Just like the cheerful chickadee…

Dear Mary you airy,

Is there a nice way to tell my co-worker to stop f**king whistling around me?

Thanks!
***

Dear Ms. Soares,

 

I’m afraid there is no easy way to tell someone to stop whistling around you. Philosophers, sociologists, and etiquette experts have been grappling with this delicate matter for centuries. Pliny the Elder was known to say “For he who whistles whilst in the company of others is impervious to all social grace, and will willfully whistle still along the banks of the river Styx.” So you see, you’ll have to fight whistling with whistling. The only way you can shut this colleague up is to win a whistle-off. The good news is that the rules of whistle battling are grittier and looser than a mixed martial arts match, a presidential debate, and Thunderdome combined. So you can enlist a helper. Here’s where you can buy a white faced whistling duck for a mere $215.00: https://www.purelypoultry.com/white-faced-whistling-ducks-p-857.html. Bring the duck to work, with no warning of course, and carry her under your arm for a day. Your fowl will out-whistle your foe, and you’ll make your point wordlessly and with lasting impact. Also, you’ll have an awesome duck.

 

Yours,

Mary

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